“My Lifelong Struggle.”

Audiobook:

Today’s blog is a bit more personal.

“You’re too nice,” they say. I’ve heard that all my life as an introvert.

Ever since I’ve started school, I have been known as the shy kid. I used to be so shy that I was too afraid to say good morning to my own teacher. Now just imagine what it was like for me to make friends.

I don’t think some people understand the intensity of what it’s like to talk to anyone and have your heart racing, palms sweating, and mind spinning. I grew up in a time where being African wasn’t cool; it got you bullied. Being shy doesn’t mix with bullies.

Therefore, I never had the courage to speak up whenever someone did anything offensive to me. I’d just bite my tongue and carry on. It’s not like I don’t want to defend myself but it’s just so hard for me to do so.

This is an issue because for about ten years of my life, I allowed others to treat me however they please and not say a thing about it. I adapted the habit of letting things slide and giving people reasonable doubt even if they did not deserve it.

Am I Ashamed? Yes and No.

I say yes because now that I know my value and worth, I realized that I deserved better and I should have stood up for myself because I deserve better.

Another part of me is not ashamed because being forgiving is taught in Islam and the past is the past – we learn from it and act upon it.

During high school, I started to remind myself daily that I cannot be anything to anyone if I am nothing to myself! Learning to defend myself is something I’m still working on till this day and alhamdulillah I’ve gotten better at it.

I don’t talk about this struggle much because I’m kind of embarrassed about it, plus this trait about myself eats me up. It’s like my struggle.

Most people I know will stand up for themselves so quick- but for me, I don’t know. Yes I value myself and know my worth but it’s honestly hard for me to feel like I might hurt the opposing person’s feelings. Again, this is something I’m learning to get over and work around. Am I too caring? I don’t know.

Many people believe that just because you’re doing big moves like becoming an entrepreneur, Youtuber, or blogger, that means you have it all together. Well that’s not true at all. Hadiatou doesn’t have it all together and I’m sure a lot of other people don’t either.

I don’t know if there will come a time where I’ll do a whole 360 change as far as defending myself. Maybe that’s just the way Allah has destined for me to be like.

I just wanna end with the note that everyone has their own personal battles regardless of how high and mighty you see them! We won’t always have it together! We’re human. We all have specific habits we need to break. Let’s push forward.

What’s Something You Struggle With About Yourself? Are You an Introvert or Extrovert? Only Comment Down Below If You’re Comfortable ✨

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Published by Awoken By Hadi

On a mission to empower individuals to devote themselves to growth through discovering oneself and keeping an open mind.

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