Insecure: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.
During the times of 2017 to the beginning of 2019, I was facing one of the hardest times of my life. I didn’t feel like myself anymore.
One thing that I know is that I have always been insecure about my curves, but I never really spoke about it with anyone because I was ashamed.
I became extremely insecure about my appearance from 2017-2019 because my weight was fluctuating and I hated it.
I knew my insecurities became extreme when the way I dressed in my own home was affected because I was so insecure about how my body looked. I hated looking at myself in the mirror or taking pictures because I was seriously disgusted with myself.
Have you ever felt like this?
Before 2017, I was so confident and happy about my appearance, but then after that, I struggled to see the beauty I once saw in myself before.
I lost my sense of personality and confidence all because I was hurting.
I didn’t reach out to anyone because I was too embarrassed to talk about it.
With me battling myself, it soon took over my mental health and I honestly was always unhappy even though I did a good job hiding it.
Because I wasn’t happy, I would always perceive the negative side of everything rather than looking at the positive side.
P.S: Perception is everything; how you choose to perceive any situation is what determines whether it’s good or bad in your eyes.
In the summer of 2019, I told myself I didn’t want to feel like that anymore; I wanted a change.
One day just out of pure curiosity, I asked one of my managers if she felt that she was mentally okay. Based off the way she responded, I was relieved to find out that I wasn’t alone with the way that I felt about myself.
Knowing that I could relate to someone made me feel like what I was going through is a normal phase of life and it’s okay to not be okay.
I learned that everyone has something they’re insecure about whether they let it be known or not. Most of all, I learned that it’s normal to acknowledge that you’re not okay but that doesn’t mean you have to forever not be okay.
Wanna know how I overcame this?
One of the ways I solved that issue was learning to identify my personal needs. **Everyone’s personal needs are different**
The first step I took was targeting my spirituality. I started off doing my own research on the Quran/ Hadiths and Sunnah acts; eventually, I started putting them into practice.
The second step I took was practicing self-care more efficiently and effectively than I used to before. I make sure I go to the gym at least four times a week, I intermittent fast on most days, and I self-reflect more often than the average person.
Starting this blog has helped me become even more secure and confident with who I am. Not only has Awoken By Hadi helped me become more content with who I wish to become, but this blog motivates me to become a better version of myself day by day.
I just want you to know that this is my first time publicly speaking out about my biggest insecurity (never would have thought I’d do this lol this is a big leap for me) but I hope I’ve helped you understand that throughout all the hardships you face internally, you’re not alone!
2017-mid 2019 was rough for me but alhamdulillah I got through it. I don’t’ think I would have been able to be as strong as I am today if those years weren’t as rough.
Overall, you are exactly where you need to be right now. I hope you become motivated enough to take action against what’s been hurting you and keep searching for ways to help yourself. Hadiatou believes in you and you should believe in yourself. You will get through it!
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